The Mustard Seed

Well hello again! Another couple of months have passed here in Romania, I’m gearing up to come back to the states for my first Christmas with my family since I moved here, and I figure it’s time to write again! (Ooh also, this picture at the top has nothing to do with what I’m about to say, but it’s this cool castle that I got to see in Krakow, Poland recently, so I figured I’d share. Anyways…)

Many of you have probably heard some of the stories from my recent trips to immigration…and if you haven’t, here’s the gist: it’s hard. Every year, in different ways the process is challenging and sometimes unclear. And this year, I had a pretty hard deadline with trying to come back to the states at the beginning of December. I had heard from other Americans living in Cluj that it was taking upwards of three to four months to get an appointment at immigration, and I only had two months to submit my application. I had also heard that leaving the country after my current residence permit expired and before I had been seen by immigration would mean that I lose my application and would have to start over from scratch. As my family and I grappled with all of the possible scenarios, I learned a lot about my attitude towards the Lord, and about His goodness and His love for me. And as I was processing what to write about for this particular blog post, I figured I’d bring you along for the journey that was these last two months 🙂 Buckle up!

So, the scene is set, I’m wrestling with the possibility that traveling to the States for Christmas may not work out this year, and my heart is doing these flip flops between disappointment and reminding myself that I’m actually fine because “other people have it a lot worse.” (Side note: I hate that phrase. I know people say it because they’re trying to give perspective, but sometimes it tends to minimize whatever it is you are processing and I find that all around unhelpful.) Anyway, back to the story. My heart is doing these flip flops. I want to be able to go back, but I’m fully aware that getting my hopes up is setting myself up for disappointment. But, we started praying. I applied for my residence permit anyway, and a friend helped me draft a letter explaining my situation and asking for an appointment before December 1st. Then the waiting began.

And as I waited, I started to think “well, maybe I’m supposed to stay. Maybe I shouldn’t even ask for this. After all, it’s not the end of the world, and maybe I’m asking for selfish reasons, or for the wrong reasons.” (whatever those might be) But something that I have been learning about this year is this idea of approaching the Lord as an orphan versus as a child. And you know what I realized? Worrying about the ask is coming from an orphan perspective. “If I mess up this ask, He might reject me/be upset with me.” But kids don’t worry about whether they should ask their dad for something, they just ask. And then they trust their dad to know what is best for them. I don’t know how you approach the Lord in prayer, but too often I approach Him hesitantly, wondering if my prayers are “correct” or if I’m asking “for the right thing” when in reality, I don’t need to worry about that. He’s a good father, who knows better than I do if something is good for me. So I can ask, and I can be honest about what I want, but then I can trust that whatever answer He gives is what is best for me and those around me. And so can you.

So I asked, and I waited. About two weeks later, I got an email letting me know that I had received an appointment time not only before December 1, but so early before that I would even have my physical residence card in hand before I left the country (which will make border control soooo much easier). That morning, I realized something else that seems so obvious but still needs saying: God can do things that I cannot. I cannot make immigration move any faster than it currently is. I couldn’t “fix” this. But God, in His goodness, can do whatever He wants. And He loves to give good gifts to us.

This all leads to where I’m sitting now. I’ve been thinking a lot about Jesus’ illustration of having the “faith of a mustard seed.” He says that even faith as tiny as a mustard seed has the power to move mountains. It’s a common analogy, but I don’t think it’s often explained well. Until really recently, I thought that analogy was somehow pointing to the power of faith, that “even a little faith can do big things, so imagine what a big faith could do!” *face palm* I think I totally missed the point. After all, the amount of faith you have in something doesn’t really matter if the thing you have faith in isn’t big/good/powerful enough. No, what Jesus is saying is that God is so big, so good, and so powerful, that even the tiniest trust in Him, and He will do big things, He will work in and through us in ways that we cannot even imagine. It’s not about the power of faith, it’s about the power of the One we put our faith in. Because He is a good father who we can approach and ask for things in faith, and in faith trust His answer. We can also trust that He can and will do things that we cannot. So our mustard seed of faith in the One who is most powerful can yield more than we ever could have imagined. Not because of the power of faith, but because of the power of Who we put our faith in. So as we enter this holiday season, I challenge you to reflect on where you are putting your faith? Is it in something or someone that deserves it? Is it in the One who can take the tiniest amount of faith and do immensely good things because it is His very nature? I challenge you to let the Father’s heart hold you close, and show you that you are a child who can ask, and He is a good Father who will give in love.