In and Through

Well, it’s been a rather long time since I picked up the pen, so to speak. But in my defense, I’ve been in the states for several months now, completing trainings and preparing to return to Romania. And boy am I excited to return. This time in the states has been so good and rewarding, and I have learned so so much about mission and the Lord and even myself. But I’m excited to go back again. One of the biggest things that has contributed to my learning is a four week course that I completed recently on cross cultural living. This course taught me many things, and gave me a framework for a lot of experiences I have already had from living abroad for a year and a half already. But that’s not really why I started writing, to talk about this course. But I do want to share what the Lord was doing in my heart while I was at this course.

My biggest takeaway from this time, and the thing that I have been chewing on in the last week since returning to Ohio has been this: when God calls me to cross cultural work, or whatever work it is He calls me to, He is just as interested in the work He is doing in me as the that He is doing through me. I’ll elaborate. 🙂 Something that I think is very common for missionaries, and people in ministry in general is this idea that we are the ones serving, so everything we do is seen through the lens of how it is benefitting other people. And this isn’t a bad thing. I mean, as I have been raising support to go back, I’m not focusing on how great Romania is for me, but on what God is doing in Romania and how I get be a part of it. It’s about what God is doing through me. Which is great, and important. But it’s not the only important thing. Because just as God cares about transforming hearts and lives in Romania, He also cares about my heart. I know, that sounds so obvious, but sometimes it gets lost in the busyness of everything else.

So what does this mean? That He cares about my heart, and what He is doing in me? I’m glad you asked. 🙂 The first thing that strikes me about this statement is the immense amount of love that I feel when I hear it. I am not just a tool used by God, though that would honestly be sufficient. No, He loves the people I work with immensely, but He also loves me with that same love. And I genuinely believe that His calling me to Romania is as much for my own benefit and sanctification (that’s just a church word that means becoming more like Jesus) as it is for anyone I work with. How amazing is that? And that’s true for everyone. Whatever your calling is, whether it’s in ministry or healthcare or teaching or information technology, the Lord has given that to you for your benefit, just as much as for the benefit of the people you work with. And that’s because of his all surpassing love for you. It makes me think about a section of John 15, which talks about how, because of Jesus, God no longer calls us servants, but friends. We get to lean in and hear what His great plan is, what His great work is, and we get to be a part of it, not as cogs in some cosmic machine, but as friends who are deeply loved and known by our Creator.

The second thing that strikes me about this statement of God caring about the work He is doing in me is the humility that comes from that. Because, well it means I have to admit that there’s still work to be done. I have not arrived or achieved or earned perfection. I don’t have it all together, and I still have a lot (and I mean a lot) to learn. It also levels the playing field. I’m not some great missionary here with all the answers to the problems. In fact, I have less answers than the people I’m serving because I don’t understand the culture in the same way they do. So any sort of savior complex goes out the window when I recognize that the Lord is using Romania to change me and draw me to him. And that reminds me of my great need for him. I have been learning to sit with and be thankful for this truth: it is impossible for me to preach the gospel to someone who needs it more than me. Think about that for a moment, no matter how “righteous” we feel, no matter how much work we do, how many prayers we pray, there is nothing we can do to make ourselves need the gospel less. And that changes how I share with other people. Because it’s not this idea of “I have the answers you need,” instead, I get to come from a place of “I was desperately lost, and I still would be if it weren’t for the gospel.” Every single day I need Him, I need His grace, and every single day He extends it to me. Not because I deserve it, but because He chose to love me. And He loves you the same way.

Okay, I’ve talked about myself a lot, so now I’ll address you a little more directly. (you know how I love to end with a good challenge :)) First, I’ll ask you: what is it the Lord has called specifically you to? It could be your job, your relationship to someone else (such as children, parents, or anyone else really) or maybe its something totally different. And then how is He using that to change and grow your heart? This specific challenge doesn’t have a lot of action steps to it, its more a challenge to reflect. Reflect on the work that God is doing through you, and then what that means for what He is doing in you. Because He cares about your heart more than He cares about your works. And I hope that knowing that moves you to gratefulness as it does for me. Because I cannot think of anything more beautiful than knowing that my heart is completely known by God, and He still wants me. More than that, He wants to draw me to Himself, creating something beautiful within me as He calls me to love and see the beauty in those around me.