Love and vulnerability

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” -C. S. Lewis (The Four Loves)

Ok, so I know it’s kind of a long quote. And I wasn’t sure when I was thinking through this blog if I wanted to start or end with it. But I think that starting with it will help me, and maybe you, digest more of it. I love C.S. Lewis. He has some really great writings. This quote in particular has been on my mind since Sunday when I was in Sibiu and the pastor there spoke about love. He mentioned this quote, and while it wasn’t the first time I had heard it, it’s stuck with me. I think there might be a couple of reasons why.

First, recently I’ve seen firsthand how painful love can be. Recently, several extended family members of mine have passed away. And while they were not immediate family, I still feel the pain of loss. But more than that I am observing the pain of loss in others who knew them better than I. This pain truly is a result of love. These people were loved well and although we do not grieve as those who have no hope, we feel the pain of loss because of the love we gave.

I also feel the pain of distance quite keenly right now. Christmas is in just a few days, and this is the first time I will spend it completely away from family. I love my family, and that makes this distance painful at times. One of my very good friends got married this past weekend, and I couldn’t attend the wedding. I felt the pain of distance in that moment. But weddings happen in America everyday, and even weddings of people I kind of know, it’s no big deal. But when I miss a beautiful moment like that from someone I love, there is some pain. Finally, seeing the people I love grieve loss makes it difficult for me to be so far from them. To not be able to comfort and show love in this time is painful.

One more example: I’m a social worker. I hear stories of trauma all the time. When I worked as a social worker in the States, there was some distance from the pain of those stories. While I still cared deeply about my clients and the pain they faced, it’s different when it’s your friends. Now, living in Romania, I’ve heard some extremely painful stories that my friends here have experienced. While I don’t know the pain they know, hearing the injustices they’ve faced brings me pain because I love them. To love is to be open to hurt.

The Bible talks about this idea too. The verse that immediately pops into my head is in Romans 12. Romans 12:9-21 is one of my favorite passages in the Bible. Definitely worth looking up (shameless plug:)) but at the end of this passage that describes the actions and marks of a true Christian, it says “never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God.” Now, this might not seem to connect much to what I have been talking about, but bear with me. What is avenging yourself? Is it not ultimately an act of selfishness? Someone did something that hurts me, so I need to protect myself, I need to “make it right” and what does Lewis say about this? To protect oneself from hurt is to wrap oneself up in selfishness. Love, at it’s core, is unselfish. It is giving of oneself. Even when it hurts. Even when it means you’re on the other side of the world during good and bad happenings back home. Even when it means hearing stories that hurt. Even when it means making yourself vulnerable to someone who could reject or hurt you.

Even when it means giving up your glory and majesty to become the most vulnerable for a people who would hate you, malign you, eventually kill you. Even though they themselves were the guilty ones. Love takes that pain, and instead of dulling it with strong drink, refuses the sponge offered. Because love KNOWS that to love is to be vulnerable. And to keep loving is to feel pain. Feel it fully. Because Love endures all things for the object of His affection. And we, the ones receiving affection, are called to do the same.

So this Christmas season, in the midst of the love you share with your family, your friends, those closest to you, remember the Love of your creator. The truest example of love we have. Who became the most vulnerable, an infant, in order to love us so perfectly. And when the love you give makes you hurt, remember the pain He felt, and the pain He calls us to feel. Do not harden your heart in the casket of your selfishness, but dare to feel the pain of vulnerability. And let the Balm of Gilead (Jesus;)) heal that pain in whatever way He chooses.